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If money pressure is the immediate problem, this comes before any exercise.
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Tool 56 · Develop yourself
What can I actually control this month?
A guided 18 to 22 minutes conversation, here in TAIU. This exercise does not audit your spending and does not give financial advice. It works out what is true, what is urgent and what is actually yours to decide.
What have you not looked at yet?
There is nearly always one account, one letter or one date being avoided, and the avoidance is costing more than the number will.
A shortfall is arithmetic. It is not evidence about you.
What you'll look at
- 01What changed
- 02The shape of it
- 03What is behind
- 04The decision in front of you
A note from Mark
Money pressure is not a character flaw and I would not let anybody treat it as one. Businesses that go under are usually not run by fools. Households under strain are usually not full of people making silly purchases. Something changed, and the arithmetic changed with it.
The first move is always the same. Find out what is actually true. Not roughly, not the version you carry around in your head at four in the morning. The real balances and the real dates. It is almost always worse than the optimistic version and better than the terrified one, and either way you can only work with a real number.
Read my full view ↓
Then separate the deadline from the dread. There is usually one thing with a legal date attached and eight things that simply frighten you. Those eight get quieter the moment the one is dealt with.
And get proper advice early. The free debt advice services in this country are genuinely good, genuinely free and see this every day. People leave it until the position is much harder to help. If there is one thing to take from this, it is do not wait.
What you'll get
This will not sort you into a personality type.It will give you answers about your own life that you can test.
01
What is true
02
What is urgent
03
What is yours
04
Where to get real help
+
Your TAIU handover: a summary of what the conversation found, written so you can take it with you.
See everything included ↓
- 01What you came here with
- 02What actually changed
- 03What is actually true
- 04What is still unknown
- 05What is genuinely at risk
- 06What is urgent and what merely feels urgent
- 07What is inside your control
- 08What is not
- 09The rival reading
- 10What deserves protecting
- 11Where this stops
- 12What remains unresolved
- 13Where this goes next
When you finish
Bring it back to your tree.
Your tree is where TAIU keeps a picture of your whole life, in parts like work, money and health.
This session works on the whole of you, not one part of your life. Nothing is scored. At the end, you are asked once which part of your life this touched most. You can answer none.
The conversation writes this summary for you. Keep the sheet, print it or paste it into My Tree. Nothing from the conversation is stored by TAIU.
- Session
- Date
- The part of life this belongs to
- What we found
- The alternative we tested
- What deserves protecting
- What should change, if anything
- Next actions
- What to notice or find out
- What remains unresolved
What now?
01 · Save it
What actually changed, and when.
02 · Test it
Look at the actual balance and the actual dates. Once, with somebody else in the room if that helps.
See more ↓
What I would do
- 01
Find out the real numbers before deciding anything.
- 02
Separate what has a deadline from what has a feeling.
- 03
Say it out loud to somebody, once.
- 04
Get free regulated debt advice early rather than late. It is free, and it is confidential.
- 05
Work only in the part you control.
Test it
- 01
What changed, and when?
- 02
What has an actual deadline in the next thirty days?
- 03
What have you not looked at yet?
The alternative
The expected reading is that money is being handled badly. Two alternatives usually produce more. This may be an income problem rather than a budgeting problem, in which case no amount of discipline will close it and the work is about income, hours, rates, benefits you may not be claiming or a change in circumstances. Or the fear may have outrun the numbers, which happens most often to people who have been frightened about money before and the finding is that the position is survivable and the anxiety is doing damage of its own.
Think about this
- When this started, and what changed around then.
- What has to be paid, and what has been treated as though it does.
- What you have not looked at yet.
- What would actually happen, in order, if nothing changed.
- Who else is affected, and what they know.
Take this to Ask Mark
You have done the exercise. Now look again at what it found.
This looks at what you found and helps you understand it. It is not another exercise to repeat.
Take this to Ask Mark →Put this into practice
READ · GUIDE
Redundancy: your rights
GOV.UK
The official position on the payments you are owed.
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LEARN · 24 HOURS
Samaritans
Samaritans
Here because some of these subjects reach further than a written exercise should.
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Recommended by the TAIU community
What helped you?
If you've read, watched, listened to or tried something that helped you think about this differently, we'd like to hear about it.
We review recommendations before sharing them with the community.
Finished the exercise?
What did this uncover?
Tell us whether it helped and what you discovered. It takes less than a minute.
Next tool
What does money mean to me?
When the pressure has passed
Before you start
Reading, if you would rather understand the question first.
Further thinking
Poverty Impedes Cognitive Function
Anandi Mani, Sendhil Mullainathan, Eldar Shafir and Jiaying Zhao
Income and emotional well-being: a conflict resolved
Matthew Killingsworth, Daniel Kahneman and Barbara Mellers
The Psychology of Money
Morgan Housel
See the thinking ↓
Article
Poverty Impedes Cognitive Function
Anandi Mani, Sendhil Mullainathan, Eldar Shafir and Jiaying Zhao
Evidence that financial pressure itself consumes attention and judgement. Worth reading before concluding that anybody under money pressure is simply making poor decisions.
Article
Income and emotional well-being: a conflict resolved
Matthew Killingsworth, Daniel Kahneman and Barbara Mellers
Two researchers who had published opposite findings sat down together to work out who was right. The answer was both, in different populations: for most people happiness continues to rise with income, while for an unhappy minority it flattens once real hardship is behind them. It is the most honest available answer to the question of whether more money would help, and it refuses to give you a slogan in either direction.
Book
The Psychology of Money
Morgan Housel
Housel's argument is that financial behaviour is mostly not a maths problem. People handle money according to what they lived through, what they saw at home and what they are frightened of. Read it for the chapters on enough and on wealth being the money you do not spend, which are the two ideas this exercise keeps running into.
Book
Your Money or Your Life
Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez
The book's central move is to convert money back into the hours of your life it took to earn, then ask whether the thing you bought returned that time in any recognisable form. It is where the idea of enough is treated as a real number rather than a mood.