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Tool 70 · Develop yourself

What survives from the old life, and what does not?

A guided 18 to 22 minutes conversation, here in TAIU. Nobody starts from nothing. Work out what you are actually carrying.

A South Asian woman in her mid thirties kneeling to plug in a kettle in a bare rented flat, boxes unopened

You are not starting from nothing. What are you actually carrying?

Some of it is an asset and some of it is weight.

It can be too early to move. That is a finding, not a failure.

What you'll look at

  1. 01What ended
  2. 02Where you are
  3. 03What survives
  4. 04What is fixed

A note from Mark

Mark Eve, founder of TAIU

I've started again more than once. New countries, new businesses, new roles where nobody knew who I was.

The thing nobody tells you is that you're never starting from zero. You take the relationships, the judgement, the scar tissue and the reputation with you.

You also take some things you'd be better off putting down.

The work is knowing which is which, before you commit to anything.

What you'll get

This will not sort you into a personality type.It will give you answers about your own life that you can test.

  1. 01

    What survives

  2. 02

    What has gone

  3. 03

    Fixed and open

  4. 04

    The first move

  5. +

    Your TAIU handover: a summary of what the conversation found, written so you can take it with you.

See everything included ↓
  • 01What ended
  • 02Where you actually are
  • 03What survives
  • 04What genuinely does not
  • 05What you are still trying to carry
  • 06What is fixed and what is open
  • 07The rival reading
  • 08What deserves protecting
  • 09What remains unresolved
  • 10Where this goes next

What now?

  1. 01 · Save it

    What survives.

  2. 02 · Test it

    Write the list of what survives before you write anything else.

See more ↓

What I would do

  1. 01

    Establish the practical position before anything else.

  2. 02

    List what survives, specifically, before discussing anything new.

  3. 03

    Say plainly what has gone rather than softening it.

  4. 04

    Separate what is fixed for now from what is actually open.

  5. 05

    Make one first move, or wait if it is too early.

Test it

  1. 01

    What have you still got that the old life gave you?

  2. 02

    What are you carrying that is not worth the weight?

  3. 03

    What is genuinely fixed for now?

The alternative

The usual reading is that everything must change. Often less has ended than it feels like, and the useful work is smaller and duller than reinvention. The reverse also happens. Somebody insists that most of the old life carries forward when the evidence says the relationships, the standing or the market have gone with it, and rebuilding on that assumption costs another year.

Think about this

  • What ended, and when.
  • Where that leaves you practically.
  • What the old life gave you that you still have.
  • What has genuinely gone.
  • What you are still trying to carry.

Take this to Ask Mark

You have done the exercise. Now look again at what it found.

This looks at what you found and helps you understand it. It is not another exercise to repeat.

Take this to Ask Mark →

Want to go further?

TRY · 10 MIN

Not From Zero

TAIU

What you are already carrying into the next attempt.

Try it →
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A man in his early forties in a back doorway with a mug, looking at a childs bike on the grass

Next tool

What changes when time is finite

If the question is what to bring forward

Before you start

Reading, if you would rather understand the question first.

Further thinking

  • Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes

    William Bridges

  • Working Identity

    Herminia Ibarra

  • Effectuation: Elements of Entrepreneurial Expertise

    Saras Sarasvathy

See the thinking ↓

Book

Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes

William Bridges

Bridges separates change, which is the external event, from transition, which is the slower internal business of letting go of who you were while it happens. His most useful claim is that the empty middle stretch is not a failure to move on. It is the part of the process where the next thing actually gets worked out, and rushing it usually produces a decision you reverse later.

Book

Working Identity

Herminia Ibarra

Ibarra followed people through major career and identity change and found that almost none of them thought their way to an answer first. They acted first, in small reversible experiments, and their sense of who they were caught up afterwards. It is the strongest available argument against sitting still until you feel certain.

Article

Effectuation: Elements of Entrepreneurial Expertise

Saras Sarasvathy

Expert founders were found to start from what they already have, who they know and what they can afford to lose, rather than from a goal and a plan. It reframes starting something as a question about available means rather than about vision.

Book

The Other Side of Sadness

George Bonanno

Bonanno's data shows that resilience is the most common response to loss, and that prescribed emotional processing can sometimes make things worse. It is a corrective to the assumption that an unremarkable account of a difficult event must be avoidance, and it is the reason nobody should be pushed to describe the worst part.