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Everything worth your time on the question: What is actually wrong, and is it mine to fix?

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If the same conversation keeps failing, a third person in the room changes it.

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The All-or-Nothing Marriage

Eli Finkel

Finkel shows how much modern couples ask of one partner, and why relationships can feel like failures when they are simply carrying more than any single relationship once had to.

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READ · RESEARCH

Sliding Versus Deciding

Scott Stanley

Stanley's distinction between drifting into commitments and choosing them is uncomfortable and clarifying. Many relationship problems turn out to be unmade decisions.

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READ · RESEARCH

The Investment Model of Commitment

Caryl Rusbult

Rusbult separates satisfaction, alternatives and investment, which is why people stay in relationships they are unhappy with and leave ones they are not. Three questions instead of one verdict.

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The Vulnerability-Stress-Adaptation Model

Benjamin Karney and Thomas Bradbury

Karney and Bradbury show that external stress explains a great deal of what couples experience as incompatibility. Worth reading before concluding the relationship is the problem.

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