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If the same conversation keeps failing, a third person in the room changes it.
Counselling for couples, families and individuals, in person and online.
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Resources
Worth your time on this question
Everything worth your time on the question: What is actually wrong? Is it mine to fix?
Five things on this subject: four things to read and one free service or course. Practical support sits first, before anything written to be interesting. If the same conversation keeps failing, a third person in the room changes it.
This page is for going further on your own. If you would rather work the question out with somebody asking, that is the conversation.
Is this relationship working: talk it throughREAD · BOOK
The All-or-Nothing Marriage
Eli Finkel
Finkel shows how much modern couples ask of one partner, and why relationships can feel like failures when they are simply carrying more than any single relationship once had to.
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READ · RESEARCH
Sliding Versus Deciding
Scott Stanley
Stanley's distinction between drifting into commitments and choosing them is uncomfortable and clarifying. Many relationship problems turn out to be unmade decisions.
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READ · RESEARCH
The Investment Model of Commitment
Caryl Rusbult
Rusbult separates satisfaction, alternatives and investment, which is why people stay in relationships they are unhappy with and leave ones they are not. Three questions instead of one verdict.
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READ · RESEARCH
The Vulnerability-Stress-Adaptation Model
Benjamin Karney and Thomas Bradbury
Karney and Bradbury show that external stress explains a great deal of what couples experience as incompatibility. Worth reading before concluding the relationship is the problem.
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